I’m sorry to all my followers.
I’m so sorry about my dire and depressing personal posts. I’ve been going through a really hard time lately and I don’t see any lights at the end of the tunnel. I really appreciate the replies I did get, telling me not to give up, so thank you.
I thought about deleting this blog but I can’t bring myself to do it because I love the fitblr/healthy community on here and I need to surround myself with more of that stuff.
I promise to try my hardest to keep going.
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Anyway I’m starting off today by kicking my anxiety in the face and going to the gym.
Choose the voice you will listen to.
Anorexia: Don't eat, you'll just get fat. Cause that's what you are- fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat
Binge: Come on, you deserve the ice cream and candy bars. It will make you feel better.
Bulimia: Why the heck did you do that!? You don't want that sitting in your body. Not even a month of restricting can make up for that. Throw it up you wuss!
Self Harm: You suck so much. You'll never recover. You'll never get better. Here's a razor, you'll feel better.
Suicide: Everyone hates you. No one would care. It will never get better. Here's some pills, the pain will disappear.
Recovery: You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are strong. You are wonderful. You will recover. You will get better. You are loved. So many care. Things will get better.
I give up. I just fucking give up.
I don’t see my friends. My anxiety will hardly let me leave the house. I binge practically everyday. I cannot manage to do anything. I had to quit my job because of anxiety. I’m too stupid to study. I’m rude and moody to everyone. I’m fat and disgusting. And I’m tired, I’m just so tired.
But you know what the worst thing is though? The worst thing, is that I’ve actually tried. I’ve tried so hard to be positive and healthy. I’ve tried so hard for years to get better; doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, pills, pills, pills.
The more I attempt to help myself, the worse I get.
So why the fuck should I bother anymore?
It’s really sad how my anxiety won’t even let me go to the gym..
It’s silly because I’d feel better if I went, but I just can’t..
